Snail on the Slope Read online

  Kandid swung off to the right along the street. The old man trailed along in the grass after him, muttering:

  "If it's not done, then it's always forbidden in some sense or the other, of course ... for instance, it's not done without the elder or the assembly, with the elder and the assembly it is permissible, of course, though not in every sense..." Kandid was walking as quickly as the ennervating heat and humidity would allow and the old man gradually fell behind.

  On the village square, Kandid caught sight of Ears. Ears, staggering and crossing his bandy legs, was moving around in circles, sprinkling handfuls of brown grass-kiHer from a huge pot slung around his belly. Behind him the grass was already smoking and shriveling. Ears had to be avoided and Kandid tried to do just that, but Ears smartly changed direction and came face to face with him.

  "Ah ... Dummy!" he cried joyously, hastily un-slinging the pot from his neck and setting it on the ground. "Where are you off to. Dummy? Home, is it to Nava? Well could be wrong but your Nava's not at home, your Nava's in the field, with these eyes I saw her going to the field, you may believe me or not... Maybe, of course, she hasn't gone to the field, could be wrong. Dummy, but your Nava definitely went along tha-at alley over there and if you go along there the field's the only place you come to, and where's else should she go, your Nava? Not looking for you, would she be..."

  Kandid made another effort to get by but again ended up face to face with Ears.

  "No need anyway to follow her to the field. Dummy," he went on convincingly. "Why go after her? I'm just killing off the grass then I'll be calling them all here, the land surveyor came and said the elder had told him to tell me to kill the grass on the square because there's to be a meeting on the square. As there's a meeting they'll all come here from the field, your Nava among them if it's to the field she's gone, and where else could she have gone along that alley? Although now I think of it, you can get to other places than the field there, you can..."

  He suddenly stopped and gave a shuddering sigh. His eyes screwed up, his hands lifted palms upward, as if of their own accord. His face broke into a sweet smile, then abruptly sagged. Kandid about to make off, stopped to listen. A small dense purplish cloud had formed around Ears' bare head, his lips quivered and he began to speak swiftly and distinctly, in a voice not his own, a sort of announcer's voice; the intonation was alien and the style was one no villager would use, it was as if he spoke an alien language so that only certain phrases seemed comprehensible.

  "In the far Southlands new ... are going into battle... retreating further to the South ... of the victorious march ... the Great Harrowing in the Northern lands has been temporarily halted owing to isolated and sporadic ... new advances in Swamp-making are giving extensive areas for peace and new progress toward ... In all settlements ... great victories ... work and efforts ... new detachments of Maidens ... tomorrow and forever calm and amalgamation."

  The old man had caught up to Kandid and now stood at his shoulder interpreting wildly:

  "All the settlements, hear that? That means here as well... 'Great victories.' It's what I always say, you can't ... calm and amalgamation ... you've got to understand. Here as well, if they say everywhere ... and new detachments of Maidens, got it?"

  Ears fell silent and dropped to his haunches. The lilac cloud had dissipated. The old man impatiently tapped Ears on his bald pate. He blinked and rubbed his ears.

  "What did I say?" he asked. "Was it a broadcast? How's the Accession going? Progressing or what? And you don't go to the field, Dummy, at a guess I'd say you're going after your Nava, but your Nava ..."

  Kandid stepped over the pot of grass-killer and hurried on.

  The old man was no longer audible - either he'd got caught up with Ears or else he'd gone into one of the houses to get his breath back and have a bite to eat on his own.

  Buster's house stood on the very edge of the village, There an embattled old woman, neither aunt nor mother, said with a sneer full of malice that Buster wasn't at home, Buster was in the field and if he was at home, there'd be no point in looking for him in the field, but as he was in the field, why was he, Dummy, standing there for nothing?

  In the field the sowing was in progress. The oppressive stagnant air was saturated with a powerful range of odors, sweat, fermenting fluid, rotting grain. The morning harvest lay in great heaps along the furrow, the seed already beginning to sprout. Clouds of working flies swarmed over the pots of fermenting fluid and in the heart of this black, metallic-glinting maelstrom stood the elder. Inclining his head and screwing up one eye, he was minutely examining a single drop of whey on his thumbnail. The nail was specially prepared, flat, polished to a gleam and cleaned with the necessary fluids. Past the elder's legs the sowers crawled along the furrows, ten yards apart. They had stopped singing by now, but the heat of the forest still oohed and aahed, obviously now, no echo.

  Kandid walked along the chain of workers bending and peering into the lowered faces. Finding Buster, he touched him on the shoulder and Buster at once climbed out of the furrow without question. His beard was clogged with mud.

  "Who're you touching, wool on yer nose?" he croaked, looking at Kandid's feet. "Somebody once touched me like that, wool on yer nose, and they took him by his hands and feet and threw him up in a tree, he's up there to this day, and when they take him down he won't do any more touching, wool on yer nose..." "You coming?" asked Kandid shortly. "Course I'm coming, wool on yer nose, when I've prepared leaven for seven; it stinks in the house, there's no living with it, why not go, when the old woman can't stand it and I can't bear to look at it - only where are we going? Hopalong was saying yesterday we were going to the Reeds, and I shan't go there, wool on yer nose, there's no people there, in the Reeds, never mind dames. If a man wants to grab somebody by the leg and throw him into a tree, wool on yer nose, there's nobody there, and I can't live without dames any longer and that elder'll be the death of me... Look at him standing there, wool on yer nose, staring his eyes out and him as blind as a mole, wool on yer nose ... somebody once stood like that on his own, he got one in the eye, doesn't stand anymore, wool on yer nose but I'm not going to the Reeds, just as you like..." "To the City," said Kandid.

  "Oh well, the City, that's another affair altogether, I'll go there all right, specially as I hear tell there's no City there anyway, that old stump's lying his head off - he comes in the morning eats half a pot and starts, wool on yer nose, laying down the law: that's not right, you shouldn't do that... I ask him: who are you to tell me what's right and what's wrong, wool on yer nose? He doesn't say, he doesn't know himself... Mutters on about some City."

  "We'll set off the day after tomorrow," said Kandid. "What are we waiting for then?" burst out Buster. "Why the day after tomorrow? I can't sleep at night in my house, the leaven is stinking, let's go this evening, somebody once waited and waited, they gave him round ears and he's stopped waiting, never waited since... The old woman's cursing there's no life, wool on yer nose! Listen, Dummy, let's take my old woman with us maybe the robbers would take her, I'd give her up all right!"

  "The day after tomorrow we'll go," repeated Kandid patiently. "You're a good fellow, making up so much leaven, from New Village, you know..."

  He failed to finish; from the fields came shouting.

  "Deadlings! Deadlings!" roared the elder. "Women home! Run off home!"

  Kandid looked around. Between the trees on the extreme edge of the field stood the deadlings: two blue and quite close, one yellow a bit farther off. Their heads with the round eye-holes and the black slash of a mouth slowly revolved from side to side. Their huge arms hung loosely along the length of their bodies. The earth where they stood was already smoking, white trailers of steam mingled with gray-blue smoke.

  The deadlings knew a thing or two and so behaved with extreme caution. The yellow one had the whole of his right side eaten away by grass-killer while the blue ones were covered in rashes caused by ferment burns. In places, the skin had died off and hun
g in rags. While they stood and stared about them, the shrieking women fled to the village and the menfolk, muttering threats, crowded together with pots of grass-killer at the ready.

  Then the elder spoke. "What are we standing here for, I ask you? Let's go, why stand here?" Everyone moved slowly forward, spreading out into a line, toward the deadlings. "Get them in the eyes," the elder kept shouting. "Try and splash them in the eyes. Best get the eyes, not much good if we can't get their eyes..."

  The line sang out ominously. "Ooh-hoo-hoo, get out! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Nobody was inclined to get too close.

  Buster, picking the dried mud from his beard, walked next to Kandid and shouted louder than the others; between shouts he argued with himself.

  "No, no-o-o, we're wasting our time, wool on yer nose, they won't stay, they'll run in a minute... Deadlings are they? Rubbish, I'd say, they won't stay... Hoo-hoo-hoo! You lot!"

  Coming within twenty paces of the deadlings, the men stopped. Buster hurled a clod of earth at the yellow one, but with surprising agility it stuck out its broad palm and deflected the clod to one side. Everybody started hooting and stamping their feet, some displayed the pots and made threatening motions toward the deadlings. Nobody wanted to waste the fluid and nobody wanted to drag all the way to the village for more. The deadlings were battered and wary, they could be got rid of this way.

  So it turned out. Steam and smoke thickened under the deadlings' feet, they were faltering. "Well that's it" was said along the chain. "They've given ground, they'll turn in a minute..."

  The deadlings imperceptibly altered, as if they were turning inside their own skins. Their eyes and mouth disappeared from view - they had turned their backs. In a second they were retreating, flickering among the trees. Where they had stood, a cloud of steam slowly settled.

  The men, in an excited hubbub, moved back toward the furrow. It was suddenly realized that it was time to return to the village for the meeting. They set off.

  "Go onto the square," repeated the elder to everyone. "Onto the square. The meeting will take place on the square, so everyone must go to the square."

  Kandid was looking for Barnacle, but he was nowhere in the crowd for some reason. Barnacle had disappeared somewhere. Buster was talking nervily beside him.

  "Remember, Dummy, when you jumped on that deadling? Yes, jumped on him, you did, wool on yer nose, took him by the head an' all, cuddling him like your Nava, wool on yer nose, and what a yell... Remember, Dummy, what a yell you gave out with? You got burned, and then came out in blisters, wet and painful as well... Why did you jump on him, Dummy? Somebody did that, jumpy-jumped on a deadling, took all the skin off his belly, now he doesn't jump anymore; tells children to jump, wool on yer nose... They say, Dummy, you jumped on his back so he'd carry you to the City, but you're no dame, why should he carry you away with him? Anyway there's no City at all, it's that old stump making up his words City, Accession... Who's seen this Accession? Ears gets drunk on beetles and goes out burbling, the old stump listens, then he wanders off everywhere, guzzling other people's food and repeating..."

  "I'm going out to New Village in the morning," said Kandid. "I'll be back at night, I shan't be here during the day. You see Hopalong and remind him about the day after tomorrow. I've been reminding him and I'll do it again, still, you do it, otherwise he'll wander off . somewhere."

  "I'll remind him," promised Buster. "I'll remind him if I have to break his other leg off."

  The whole village had come out onto the square. Everybody was talking, shoving and scattering seeds on the bare earth so that stems might come up and provide soft seating. Children were mixed in underfoot; their parents were pulling them along by their ears or hair to avoid a mix-up. A column of poorly trained ants attempting to drag worker-fly larvae straight across the square were being driven off by the cursing elder. He was asking by whose orders there were ants here, it was a disgrace that's what. Ears and Kandid were suspected, but the matter was not conducive to proof.

  Kandid found Barnacle and wanted to talk with him, but failed as the assembly was then declared open and as always the old man crawled forward to speak first. What he spoke about nobody could understand but everybody sat quietly listening and hissed at their scuffling children not to scuffle. Some - those seated most comfortably well away from the sunny spots - fell into a doze.

  The old man went on at length about what was not "right" and in what senses this was to be understood. He called for a mass Accession, threatened victories in North and South, cursed the village and, separately, New Village, announced that new detachments of Maidens were everywhere and that neither in the village nor in the New Village was there calm or amalgamation, that all this was a consequence of people forgetting the word "shouldn't" and thinking everything was permitted. Dummy, for instance, was set on going to the City, though nobody had summoned him. The village bore no responsibility for that, seeing as he was foreign, but if it turned out by chance that he was a deadling after all, and such an opinion existed in the village, then nobody knew what would happen, especially as Nava, though of course she was an alien too, had had no children by Dummy, and this was not to be tolerated, yet the elder tolerated it...

  Toward the middle of the oration, the elder dozed off as well, but hearing his own name, started and immediately gave a threatening bark: "Hey! No sleeping! You can sleep at home," he said, "that's what houses are for, sleeping in, nobody sleeps on the square, meetings are held on the square. Nobody has ever been allowed to sleep on the square, nobody is allowed and nobody will be." He glanced toward the old man.

  The old man gave a satisfied nod. "And so we have our general 'not permitted.' " He smoothed his hair and announced: "A bride has been announced at New Village. And we have a groom, Loudmouth, whom you all know. Stand up. Loudmouth, and show yourself, no better not, you just sit there, everybody knows you anyway. Now we have the question: shall Loudmouth go to New Village or alternatively shall we bring the bride here to the village... No, no. Loudmouth, sit you down, we'll decide this without you ... those sitting next to him keep a good hold on him till the meeting is over. Who has any opinion, let him speak."

  There turned out to be two opinions. One (Loud-mouth's neighbors for the most part) demanded Loudmouth's dismissal to New Village, let the rest live here. Others, calm and serious men, living well away from Loudmouth proposed the opposite, women were getting short, some had been stolen, therefore the bride should come to the village. Loudmouth was that all right, but suppose there would be children, let there be no doubt, that was for sure. The argument was long, and at first to the point. Then Hopalong unfortunately shouted out that it was wartime and everybody was forgetting that. Loudmouth was instantly forgotten. Ears started to explain that there was no war and never had been, there was and would be the Great Harrowing. Not Harrowing, objected someone in the crowd, it was Essential Swamping. The Harrowing was over long ago, the Swamping had been going on for years, Ears didn't know a thing, how could he, he was Ears wasn't he? The old man got up and rolling his eyes, croaked out hoarsely that there was no war, no Harrowing; there was no Swamping either, there had been, was, and would be the Personal Struggle in North and South. How was there no war, wool on yer nose, came from the crowd, when there was a whole lake full of drowned bodies past Funny Village? The meeting exploded. What about the drowned bodies? Where there was water you found bodies, past Funny Village wasn't like here, you couldn't go by Funny Village, they ate out of clay there, lived under clay, gave their wives to the robbers, now people talked about drowned bodies. It wasn't drowned bodies, no struggle and no war, it was Calm and Amalgamation in the interests of the Accession! Why then was Dummy going to the City? Dummy was going to the City, therefore the City existed, and if it existed where was your war? It must be Amalgamation! Anyway did it matter where Dummy went? Somebody went as well once, they gave it him right in the nose and he doesn't go anywhere anymore... Dummy was going to the City because there was no City, they knew Dummy, Dummy was a foo
l if ever there was one, and if there was no City, how could there be Amalgamation? There was no Amalgamation, there had been one time mind you, but that was ages ago ... and no Accession either! Who says there's no Accession? What do you mean? What's that? Loudmouth ... hold Loudmouth! They've let him go! Why couldn't they hold onto him?

  Kandid, knowing this would go on for long, attempted to start a conversation with Barnacle, but Barnacle was in no mood for conversation. "Accession," he shouted. "Then what about the deadlings? You're forgetting the deadlings! Why? Because you haven't any idea what to think about them, that's why you're all shouting about this Accession! ..."

  They went on shouting about the deadlings, then about the mushroomy villages, then they got tired and began to quiet down, mopping their faces and shrugging one another off wearily. Soon it transpired that everybody had fallen silent and only the old man and Loudmouth were carrying on. Everyone came to their senses. Loudmouth was borne down and his mouth stuffed with leaves. The old man went on for a while but lost his voice and became inaudible. Then a disheveled representative from New Village got up and pressing his hands to his breast and staring about him, began to beg in a broken voice that Loudmouth shouldn't be sent to New Village, they had no need of him, they had lived a hundred years without him and could do it again, they should bring the bride to the village and then they would see New Village would make no trouble over a dowry... Nobody had the strength to start arguing again - they promised to think about it and decide later, especially as the matter wasn't urgent.

  People began to drift off to dinner. Barnacle took Kandid by the arm and dragged him to one side under a tree.

  "Right, when do we leave?" he asked. "I'm so fed up here in the village, I want off into the forest, I'll be ill of boredom here soon... If you're not going, say so and I'll go alone, I'll talk Buster or Hopalong into going too."